“Primitive Entertainment Support Team! (Be a P.E.S.T.!)” by Richard F. Yates

https://www.patreon.com/primitiveentertainment

[If you don’t like long-winded discourse or weepy nostalgia, feel free to skip straight to the sections called “The ISSUE” and “The SOLUTION” for the meat of the matter… —RFY]

Mission Statement:

The Primitive Entertainment Workshop is a dedicated repository for stories, art, prose poems, micro-fictions, and other simulated meaningful entertainment experiences. Our intrepid team of artists, writers, poets, satirists, prophets, outsiders, zinesters, postal artists, collagists, bowlers, dreamers, and other creators have three primary goals:

1. Make the world a more enjoyable place to live.
2. Promote community building, through understanding of differences and mutual respect.
3. Provide a platform for the expression of individual voices that might not find any other platform for self-expression.

[Regarding these goals, I’m rather proud of how much we’ve accomplished in just a few short years.]

History:

We went Primitive about four and a half years ago (Dec. 2012), and we haven’t looked back since.* [*This is, obviously, a lie to make us appear more human—in reality, we look in ALL directions ALWAYS!] Since that fateful December, we have produced nearly 5,000 posts, and included contributions by I-DON’T-ACTUALLY-KNOW how many contributors (I’m guessing upwards of thirty maybe???) These posts have been viewed 44,525 times by 17,945 visitors, and we currently have 1,296 people who FOLLOW the site. That’s a LOT of interaction—when you consider we’re just a couple dozen outsiders and misfits making simple, punk, d.i.y. art and literature in southern Washington State… And, as I mentioned in a post a few months ago, it would now take a person over an hour and a half on a fast computer just to scroll to the bottom of the available content—and that’s without stopping to read ANYTHING AT ALL. (I know—I tested it…)

To quote from the “About” page:
“I started this project in December of 2012 as a sort of on-line ZINE, if you will. I love to make little collage zines out of paper, with micro-stories and weird poems and punk attitude sprinkled all over them, but as a POOR artist/writer/editor, I was finding it increasingly difficult to pay for photocopying and postage to distribute the fruits of my efforts, so I turned to the INTERWEBS…” And I started to make stuff. LOTS AND LOTS of stuff. And then Scott Sparks sent a few poems, and Randy Long wrote a few stories, and then a few more people contribute (Richard O’Brien, Josh Erdahl, Michael King, Mark Counts, Joseph Madamba…), and then a few more, and so on… And now we’re at almost 5,000 posts.

And I, for one, would hate to see the party come to an end, or for the old material to start disappearing just so we can add NEW stuff…

What We Do Here at THE PRIMITIVE ENTERTAINMENT WORKSHOP:

Art, humor, poetry, satire, fiction, book reviews, mood enhancement, BOOKS!*, ART PRINTS*, t-shirts*, backyard art barbecues*, free art shows*, zines*, alternative religions, fake news, secret society starter kits, and much, much more…

[*THESE items in particular require CASH (aka: dough, moolah, moneys, capital, bills, investment funds, clams, bucks, hot doggies, etc…) to produce, perform, print, pay postage on, or to put into practice. Unfortunately, like REAL outsider artists, we are POOR. Poverty is the Mother of Invention, for sure, but our wage slavery doesn’t produce enough DISPOSIBLE INCOME for us to do the ART that we want to do very EASILY or as often as we’d like to do it.]

We try to make the world more enjoyable, funnier—if you will—and to counter the forces of ENTROPY and DEATH and ELITISM by engaging in the aforementioned actions/activities. There is a certain amount of “Extract of Gallows” in all of our humor, no doubt, but we’re definitely trying to bring the world up, not put it down.

And you know what, we could use your help!

The ISSUE:

Since we began The Primitive Entertainment Workshop, we have used the FREE service provided by WordPress, and that has proved adequate for our needs, until now. We are at the decision point. Our free service allows 3 gigs of online media storage space, and we are about 80% of the way full. I for one believe that it’s time to make the leap to FULL TIME and get the PREMIUM service. It’s only $100.00 for a one year subscription. That doesn’t seem like a large amount of dough, but when you’re eating ramen, sewing your buttons back onto your pants, wondering which bills can be put off the longest, and scraping change for gasoline—A HUNDRED BUCKS in one go ain’t very easy to justify. (My wife is VERY generous and patient with my “HOBBY,” but I know when I need to back off…)

The SOLUTION – PATREON PATRONUS:

In the INTERNET AGE, crowd funding has become a THING. (Not like a John Carpenter THING, but close.) We are hoping that we can TAP THAT THING (not like that—sicko!) for some pocket change and try to come up with the needed $100.00 to go PRO. (I think it’s actually $99.00, but you get my meaning.)

What going to the PREMIUM level will mean to The Primitive Entertainment Workshop:

1. We can continue to create the fun, goofy, outsider, punk, satirical content that you’ve come to expect and enjoy, and continue to post it in the same way and through the same service that we’ve gotten to know and love. (No moving the content or starting over from scratch and losing all of our followers and regular customers.)
2. We can SAVE THE ARCHIVES! If we go the PREMIUM route, we don’t have to start erasing older posts or artwork to put up new work.
3. We have the option of putting advertisements on the site. Right now, I think most of our FOLLOWERS see advertisements when they view our posts, anyway, but we don’t get no dough from that inconvenience. If we go PREMIUM, then the P.E.W. can get the revenue for these ads, and then use that money to print new books or shirts or to rent a space somewhere throw a DISCO DANCE ART PARTY! (That would be awesome…)

So if you think you can spare a cup of coffee a month (or more, if you’re a bazillionaire with tons of extra cash and nobody to go golfing with this weekend) then head on over to our PATREON page and click on one of those FANCY BUTTONS! We will be extremely grateful and will tell you how much we appreciate you with our art!!!

The Primitive Entertainment Workshop on Patreon

 

Levels of Support:

$1.00 per month—
For one buck a month, you will get mentioned on the FANCY (and CHARMICALLY ENHANCED) Contributors List as an OFFICIAL MEMBER of The Primitive Entertainment Support Team! (Yes, you too can be a P.E.S.T.!)

In addition to mention in the roles, you will also be given a PDF of the OFFICIAL Certificate of Membership in

The Primitive Entertainment Support Team, Order of the Patrons of the Primitive Panorama

(which can be framed and hung on a wall next to your other fancy awards and certificates of recognition) and be INSTANTLY recognized as a true P.E.S.T. by all your friends and loved ones!

—–

$5.00 per month—
In addition to the extremely enticing $1.00 awards, for a mere $5.00 per month you’ll also get THIS fabulous prize:

You will get to PICK A TOPIC for an original drawing (draw by Richard F. Yates, unless we can find someone better to do it) and that image will be DEDICATED TO YOU!!!! (One topic pick per month, for each month that you choose to contribute at this level!)

—–

$15.00 per month—
For 15 smackers per month, you’ll get all of that AWESOME $1.00 and $5.00 junk, as well as the following:

A new, collectable, Primitive Entertainment ART PRINT mailed directly to your door (or the alternative door of your choice) for every month they you contribute, along with a PRINTED copy of the OFFICIAL Primitive Newsletter: The PRIMITIVE ENQUIRER!!!

—–

$75.00 per month—
For the TRULY ILLUMINATED, this level of support (in addition to all the previous awards AND the PRIDE you can feel knowing that you are helping with our world domina….UHM, I mean, HELPING THE WORLD THROUGH ART!) you will also get THIS! (Phil, open the curtain, please…):
An original, hand painted, ON CANVAS, work of art mailed directly to you (or to wherever you want it sent!) One original Richard F. Yates painting, EVERY MONTH that you contribute at this level. Tell me how much of a bargain THAT is! (I used to sell a single canvas painting for upwards of $300.00 at the, now defunct, Matter! Gallery in Olympia, WA… Just sayin’!)

Further Considerations:

We are also considering some interesting paraphernalia like decoder circles, merit badges, a Church of DIM holy book, a book of Primitive One-Act plays, and a book collecting our Manifestos and Art-Theory essays—but these will come later, time and money permitting…

Thanks for reading the pitch, if you made it this far down! Keep making stuff, and send us a comment if you have ideas that can help the cause! Much appreciated!!!

—Richard F. Yates (Dude in Chief & Holy Editor of The Order of The Patrons of The Primitive Panorama)

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About richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)
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