Lighty had intended to give up smoking, but it wasn’t working out. With the utter chaos that seemed to surround him on all sides, that little chemical comfort was about the only thing holding his fragile personality together.
Jiggle Bug, however, was less concerned about the chaos in the world—and just bothered by his roommate’s odorous habit…so Jiggle Bug hatched an AWFUL plan…
He kept an eye on Lighty’s smoke packs, watching for the moment when his current pack was terminally low, and Jiggle Bug pulled a switcheroo! He pulled the last smoke out of the pack and replaced it with an old, moldy smoke that he’d found in a forgotten pack in the laundry room (where the thing had been absorbing moisture and accumulating dust for months.)
When Lighty (using his telekinetic powers—he has no arms) floated his last smoke up to the ceiling and lit it (pyrokinetically,) he could never have foreseen what he was about to experience… (He is neither telepathic nor pre-cognitive, so…bummer.) Inhaling, deeply, on the moldy cigarette, he suddenly tasted something awful—then choked and gagged…
He spit the cigarette out of his mouth (luckily it landed in a half-finished cup of coffee from breakfast that was still on the coffee table) and he almost horked.
And then he heard Jiggle Bug snickering…
What ensued next was a massive battle between friends whose relationship had become increasingly strained. Lighty psychically tossed various items (chairs and books and a half-finished cup of coffee with a soggy, moldy cigarette in it) at the bug—and Jiggle Bug dodge the flying debris and slapped at Lighty with his stinging tentacles…
When their anger was spent, they sat, huffing and puffing and glaring at each other…until Yellow Bunny walked into the room and gasped!
“What the Hell happened here?” YB asked.
“That BUG tried to poison me!” said Lighty.
“He said he was going to quit smoking, and he didn’t. This place STINKS all the time!” shouted Jiggle Bug.
Yellow Bunny looked from Lighty to J.B. and back again, and then he said, “I know what will help! Here, have these individually wrapped fuit pies!” Suddenly, everyone was happy! Lighty floated a lemon pie up to his mouth and chomped it, and Jiggle Bug drifted over to the apple pie and absorbed it through his porous membrane.
Yellow Bunny smiled and nodded, nibbling on a carrot pie…and once the “special ingredient” kicked in, they lived happily ever after…(until they came down and had to clean up the house…)
—Richard F. Yates
(Primitive Thoughtician and Supreme Bunny Lord of The P.E.W.)
SUPPORT INDEPENDENT FOLKS WHO ARE JUST MAKING STUFF BECAUSE THEY LOVE IT!!!