“Sticky Jam on My ID Boots…” by Richard F. Yates

I’m back from my journey into my own head, and as I predicted, it was a weird and exhausting trip!

Strange things happen when you engage in prolonged introspection, even without psychedelic enhancements. For instance, on the second night of my meditations, I woke up at about 4:00 A.M. and decided that I needed to use the bathroom. I got out of bed, opened the bedroom door, and one of the cats was just standing, immobile in the hallway. I stepped over the cat, made it to the bathroom, and then tried to turn on the bathroom light, but it wouldn’t turn on. Whether the switch was broken or all three of the bulbs in the fixture had gone out simultaneously, I didn’t know, but the room is pitch black without a light source, so I headed into the livingroom to grab a flashlight…..and then noticed that the front door was wide open, which terrified me (for some reason)—and then I woke up again…

It was 4:00 A.M., and I realized I had to use the bathroom…

Like I said, diving into the head can produce weird anomalies. The PURPOSE of my dive was inspiration, a dig for new energy and motivation, and although I’m not certain I FOUND any of those things, I HAVE solidified my DESIRE to produce new content.

The world seems to be chugging along, a total shit-train, with glass eyed passengers staring mutely out the windows as the engine pulls everyone towards the old, rickety, broken bridge that will never support the train’s weight and inevitably crumble, plunging train, passengers, and all into the canyon half a mile below.

And everyone knows it’s going to happen, and nobody’s happy about it, but we’re all resigned to their fates. Well, my job is to make balloon animals for everyone on that train! They won’t help anything. Nobody really wants them. But a few people will smile, just a bit, as I hand them a barely recognizable poodle and crack a joke about how bad it is, before moving on to the next victim!

Ha! Seems like a solid plan to me!

(Our only REAL hope is for some superhero to come along and hold the bridge together while the train rolls over it—but that’s only a temporary fix. Why did they decide to end the train line at the TNT factory? They knew the brakes on this thing don’t work very well…)

Later skaters!!!

—Richard F. Yates

About richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)
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