“Mortimer the Monster” by Richard F. Yates

Mortimer the Monster went skating yesterday on the thin ice of Lake Sacajawea, and because it hasn’t been THAT cold around here, he almost immediately broke through the ice and fell into the freezing water underneath.

Luckily for Mortimer, Sacky the Lake Monster (who doesn’t mind the cold) was in that part of the lake when the ice broke (instead of the Unnamed Lake God, who is always looking for sacrifices, finding him first.) Sacky quickly grabbed Mortimer by one of his legs and threw him back onto the shore. (If he could speak, Sacky would have called Mortimer a dumb-ass before slipping back into the murky depths, but Sacky settled for a nice loud roar as a reprimand, instead.)

Mortimer sputtered and coughed for a few minutes as he sat on the snowy lake bank, then noticed about a dozen people with cell phones out video-ing his suffering (how many of them had tried to help???), and Mortimer started crying and ran (and slipped and ran and slid) all the way home to complain to his wife that people were all really mean.

His wife, Marsha, made him take a warm shower, put on some jammies, and then she gave him a hot cocoa (with marshmallows…) And Mortimer drank his cocoa, cuddled his wife, and watched old episodes of _The Office_ until Marsha sent him to bed a few hours later. (Overall, not a bad Sunday.)

[Originally posted using Partiko for Android here: https://partiko.app/@richardfyates/mortimer-the-monster-by-richard-f-yates-d9k610ni ]

—Richard F. Yates

About richardfyates

Compulsive creator of the bizarre and absurd. (Artist, writer, poet, provocateur...)
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